How can I ever forget you, my best friend of so many years until we suddenly had a fall out?
Thinking about the past, I feel a pang of pain and disappointment at how we turned out and at how it all ended. How can the two us, best friends like two pods in a pea, friends so in sync, friends with a friendship everyone envies and friends who had made a promise to be loyally there for each other, end so subtly and silently?
I think we drifted apart when we were separated from each other in high school, our classrooms at each ends of the corridors. We started not seeing each other frequently because we started having conflicts with our schedules and then we started not seeing each other at all when we both found new friends. We started getting indifferent with each other. I don’t know with myself, but I saw you change, and then it was awkward coming across your way in the corridor and meeting your gaze in silence. You didn’t say hi to me, so I didn’t say ‘hi’ and then afterwards, we never exchanged words ever again.
Then you left for New Zealand, and I didn’t even bother to say goodbye. I was hurt at how our friendship turned out and I was too proud. I was too proud to confront you. I was too proud to admit I had any fault in our fall out. I was too proud to face the fear of losing you. You called me on the day before your flight and I pretended to be asleep. That was supposed to be my last chance of ever talking to you and I let that chance slip away.
If I could turn back time, I would prevent our fall out from happening. I would like to relive those moments when we used to play under the sun and laughed at our impish games, when we played basketball like we were one of the boys, when we talked and talked for hours and hours on the phone, when we played pranks on our classmates, when you helped me whenever I lose stuffs, when I had you and you had me.
I wished you hadn’t change. I wished I wasn’t so proud either. I wish we never drifted away from each other. Losing you was losing a part of myself as well, but I can’t do anything to put it back together again. We’re on our separate ways now and probably we’ll never come across each other again. But I hope wherever you are, you’re doing fine. I also hope that you’ve found good friends who will be there for you when you need them as I can no longer be there for you.
Alexa, I will never forget you, but I hope you’ll never forget me, too.