Why does it feel so weird without hearing a word from you? Why does it feel so nostalgic thinking about you? I asked myself ‘why?’ and realized that I’ve had the answers all along, yet I can’t acknowledge them. I wonder what it is that is making it such a tough thing to do. Is it my pride, that barrier between the truth and rationalizations? Or is it hope, one thing that’s supposed to do good in the world, yet serve as an adversary for me?
Everytime I hear your name, I get lost in my thoughts again and bits of things from the past flashes back. I try to take a step forward to move on, but everytime I do, fortuitously, something happens that make me look back and take three steps backward. In the end, I’m running around in circles. Distance infinite, but displacement zero.
I’m cropping you out of my life and wonder if I do, would you try to paste yourself back in it? I’m walking away from you, and wonder if you would even notice it. I’m going to bury you in the back of my mind right now and wonder that what I might be doing would dig my own grave instead. I’m going to move forward, and wonder if one glance would make me fall again. I’m not going to miss you and wonder if what I just said was a lie.
There are so many things to wonder about. I might know the answers or have a good guess of what they are, but I choose not to, because sometimes, ignorance is bliss and the more you don’t know, the more you’re guarded.
But I wonder…
I wonder if Miami Heat wins this NBA finals. (Off-topic suddenly. Hehehe.) So enough of soliloquies, enough of dramas, enough of nostalgic brooding over some kind of fling, enough of trying to figure him out, enough of trying to figure me out, enough of comparing the past and the present. It’s time for the game. Go Heat!